Colors

Azure, roseate, crimson... Every color has an impression and reflects some feelings. They can even have some symbolic meanings. For me cream color has become an icon.

Coming from a country with theocratic rules, I have experienced somehow strange things. From the age of 7 or so, we were not allowed to wear any color except for brown, black, dark blue and gray... I loved red color, crimson red. But it was forbidden to wear that color. I still remember my beautiful red shoes that I liked so much but I could wear it only once before I was told that I can't. Among all those heavy colors I would prefer gray. I was 14 and I used to try to get gray color clothes. I would prefer it to the other colors because it was a little bit brighter. It was the most vivid color I could choose. When I got 16, I bought a cream color mantle. Very few people dared to wear cream color at that time.

I was afraid if I cannot wear it. The color was so beautiful for me, so vivid. I remember I wore it and went out. Suddenly I saw many girls who were walking fast with scared looks on their faces. They told me to come back. They said there were Pasdars and Basijis on that street, arresting girls, and they would definitely arrest me because of such a bright and vivid color. We all agreed that my mantle is too much colorful.
At the university, I wore cream mantles also. I was told several times that I should observe islamic concepts (till now, I have not found any clue on what basis they claim Islam puts a limitation on colors). Even once I got a letter as a warning. I was orally told they would through me out if I don't observe Islamic concepts.

Years passed by, and cream color became normal gradually. I was not arrested because of it...


Why do I recall all these? That's because of her. My Russian friend. She is almost the same age as me. We went for shopping some time ago, and we saw a lot of cheap and good quality yarns. I was looking for a good color and couldn't find any. She showed me a pale turquoise color yarn. I looked at it, and imagined a blouse knitted with it. It was beautiful. Then she showed me a lavender yarn, yes that was another nice color. I was wondering why I didn't find these colors. It was not the case I haven't seen them, but it seems that the colors get censored in my mind. I see only few colors, thankfully including red! Then she showed me a cream color yarn, and innocently said, but this is not my color. I looked at the color, yes it was a sad color. I smiled bitterly. I just remembered my wardrobe in Iran, where most my dresses are the same color, cream. I didn't say anything... Just thinking about normal situations, normal experiences. I was not expecting that these limitations have become a part of me. That I still censor myself.... that I live a world with less number of colors.