In the memory of my father

I can't believe that he is gone... even after one year... Now there is only one thing that connects me to that land, and it's his grave...

I don't want to remember last year, but today it's inevitable... Last year at this time, I had my ticket and the permission to leave. My ex-husband came with me to Iran, and I was like Rantanplan (Boushweg) the dog of lucky Luke thinking how kind he is. I didn't know that he is using my father as a cover to see his former girlfriend who has come for a visit to Iran.

Some memories are recorded in your mind, like a movie... You can play them and replay them and... I was on the escalator in the airport, I saw my grandmother, my aunts and cousins, mu uncle, all had come to pick me up... they were all in black... I couldn't see my mother, and my ex-husband was singing "come to the window little darling" and I wanted to shout "SHUT UP!" I said I should not cry... and indeed I didn't... I remember I hugged my crying cousin and told her to be calm... I was boht zade... then we went to his grave, they had already buried him. I even couldn't say goodbye to him for the last time... and what kills me is that I even don't remember clearly the last time I saw him...

If I want to write about him, the first thing I can write is that he was a peaceful man. He taught me to be a strong woman. Since I was very little, he used to tell me that I should study and be independent. That I have to be strong to be able to survive in a country where there is not much space for women. My career was really important to him. I remember that he didn't cry when he lost his mother, but when I was accepted for my masters degree, he shed tears... How I wish I could tell you that the winner of this year's Nobel prize in Chemistry is a collaborator of my advisor here... He really wished me to be successful... Rest in peace Baba jan...